It’s a quarter past 2am and I am wide awake. Nat had woken me up for milk after which, it was as if the sleepy spell was broken – I am tired, no doubt, but I simply can’t go back to bed. I packed the messy dinning table and checked my phone instinctively – one message from a client, 5 new emails, and some feeds from instagram and facebook. I replied the message and put the phone aside.
Sitting alone in the dark in my living room now has a calming effect on me. The house is quiet, except for the tiny white noise coming from the water dispenser in the kitchen. 2 little school bags, packed and resting against the wall next to the dinning table. I can see vaguely, a couple of dolls and books resting lifelessly on the sofa. There must be some on the mat too, but I shall ignore it. Right now, I just want to spend some time with myself. It seems like I haven’t spoke to me much lately. I guess now makes a good time to reflect on some lessons from the past year, albeit a little late, it’s better now than never.
I try to look back, the first thing I recall is the facebook notification that took over my screen near the end of last year – I recall it saying, “The highlights of 2013”. First on the list, “Left Great Eastern Life” – left my comfort zone. Many big things happened after that, and a twist of event (and perhaps a couple more turns), led me onto a new course – I find myself standing at a point I’ve never dared to dream of. I’ve lost much and gained much too- I’ve left the corporate ladder after years of effort trying to climb higher, further. It was devastating, and though I often try to be as optimistic as I can, it was undeniably was painful, too painful. My consolation, and perhaps a greater gain was a new career of my own. This time, no project teams, no bosses, no deadlines, just me and how I work so that the bills are cleared, on time.
While the big changes are overwhelming, it’s the little things that I gained the most satisfaction from. My mind strays to a line from Puccini’s Madam Butterfly, “Ah, love me a little, Oh just a very little, As you would love a baby…Accustom’d to little; Grateful for love that’s silent…”
How often are the little things forgotten – little notes, little whimpers, little toy in my bottomless sack, little conversations in bed – little things that I’ve taken for granted. So here am I, in awe of my little home, the little things around, and revising and sharing the little lessons I’ve learnt from my little ones…
It’s Okay to make mistakes
It’s a drag working with a perfectionist, least to live with one. So, you can imagine my kids having to live with me – yup, not exactly the nicest mom on planet earth. Some time, a few months back when Shanice and I were working on an ice-cream stick treasure chest together, I chopped off the wrong length and we had to redo the sides, she quietly wrote these on the length of coloured sticks…
|Shanice’s message to me. Some time last year.|
She must have learnt it from Doc McStuffins! O, I love Disney! It’s so true, sometimes, it really does help to go easy with ourselves and more so with the kids. Of course, we re-did the treasure chest, and we will work on the spelling – eventually. I didn’t want to spoil the moment for us.