We are on the home stretch!
O, yes! After those apprehensive and stormy days, Peanut and I have finally reached the home stretch.
Week by week, Peanut and I have braved much – From the initial uncertainty of having a 4th child, to embracing a new life, and then a twist of event that saw me bleeding for weeks and crying my heart out over a blood clot… after the turbulence, we are finally entering the 3rd trimester! As I read this emailer from BabyCenter, I cannot help but swell with pride for my little bun in the oven.
When I first found out I was pregnant. I was in a state of denial. The second line on the test kit was rather faint. “Maybe, not” I thought. But I rushed down to the nearest clinic immediately. I guess I already knew, just didn’t want to accept it then.
At the clinic, I did a urine test and the doctor confirmed I was pregnant. The conversation with the GP started with congratulatory then took a slight twist when she found out that I was pregnant with my 4th child. She went, “I don’t know how are you going to manage.” And, I know that she meant no malice. Having 4 kids is not going to be easy, it is a reality we both know first hand as mothers of more than 1 child.
We chatted a little further and I found out that I do not need the child’s dad’s consent to abort this baby if I wish to. I won’t even need to go through counselling. All because I already have 3 living children. It is as if the system auto-recognises that a 4th kid may well be an accident- how convenient, yet so disturbing. The hubby wasn’t too keen on having a 4th child initially. Frankly, I wasn’t either, but the thought of aborting a child (my child!) was too daunting. So, after crying into my pillow for a few nights, I decided to see a Gynae.
I visited the Gynae alone. I needed that space to think independently. After the check-up the doctor explained that there were blood clots in my womb – which in some cases cause miscarriage. In view of that, and since it was only the first trimester, we (the hubs and I) kept the news of my pregnancy to ourselves. Up till that moment, I was still not sure. Having a new baby now would mean risking my regular income. I am on 3 months renewal employment terms with my current employer. I am not sure if they would wait a month or 2 for me to recuperate from childbirth. Big and difficult questions overwhelmed me – What if I become jobless after I deliver my new baby? How are we going to cope with another child at home? How am I going to afford for Chubby to attend childcare? It took me another week to firm up my decision – I’m keeping my baby *sings*.
At week 12, I experienced a major flow while commuting on the mrt. Frightened by the volume of blood that stained the seat, I headed to KKH for treatment later that day. I was prescribed med and ordered to rest. The diagnosis was “threatened miscarriage”.
Though the flow subsided, I continued to spot until week 15 when there was another major flow. Again, we turned to KKH and returned home with the same med (higher dose) and same diagnosis. I continued to spot till week 19, then it suddenly stopped.
I entered week 20 with much relief. The week 20 scan however, showed that there was a 4cm blood clot near the birth canal. Despite assurance from the doctor, I was worried.
All this while, while I was living in fear, our family and friends have been praying for us. My sister even attended a miracle healing service to pray for our healing (Yes, I have great siblings!)
Then at week 24, the doctor checked and reported that the blood clot was gone! WOW! Thank God!
Some people say, you never knew how much you wanted something until you feel the threat of losing it. There has to be some truth in this, ‘cos the whole roller-coaster experience has taught me to cherish this little life more. I cannot adequately explain how much joy it brings me to feel his movement in my womb. This child, my child, he is a fighter.
His conception may be unplanned but he isn’t an accident. He was conceived despite our birth control measures, and through this winding journey, he has never gave up. Even at this very moment, he is kicking me from within – as if assuring me that he is growing strong.
Entering into the 3rd trimester is both exciting and worrying (what a worry whore am I!). I am racing against the clock to earn and save as much as I can before Peanut’s birth. I want to build us a safety net (just in case). Working and painting (I run a facepainting business too) with a big belly isn’t a walk in the park. Often after a tiresome day, I would pet my baby on my bump and say to him “Well done, boy! We are in this together.”
You know what? My baby is a fighter, so am I.