Sometimes Love Just Ain’t Enough

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There’s a danger in wanting too many too much. And it’s sad to be away from dawn until dusk. There’s a reason why some mothers don’t stay home that much…

Baby, sometimes love (alone) just ain’t enough.

“Mum, can you pick me early today?”
“I don’t want to go to after school care. Can jiejie pick me?”
“I can go home myself…”

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As you can see, my 4-going-to-5 yo isn’t too excited about staying out for most of the day. He wants to be home napping in his own bed, having his snack and playing in the comfort of his own home – which, isn’t an option for us now. Nat started attending full day care since Jan this year. A term has passed but he hasn’t grown too fond of the new arrangement yet  The school was excellent but the kid would prefer to be home. I can totally understand where he is coming from. I’d prefer my own home to anywhere else too.

Childcare has always been a tough decision for me, be it for my first, second or now, my third child. One can never get immuned to the heartache of leaving a young child in another’s care; and very often, against the child’s will.

But a mum got to do what a mum got to do – sometimes we can’t just do what we love. We need to learn to love what we do. As much as I want to spend as much time as possible with my kids. I am fully aware that unless I strike Toto, the chances of me becoming a full-time housewife is very slim (not impossible though. Cos hey, one must have something to hope for, right?)

I have been a FTWH and SAHM. I’ve tried working freelance, part-time and working from home. Right now I am somewhere in between, not too sure where the road leads . I don’t always make the best decisions. I don’t always have the best options. But I do hope to make the best of my situation.

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Nat is recovering from HFMD, hence he won’t be going to school for the week. I would love to be around more often but I’d just started a new job and there are time-sensitive matters at work to attend to. My girlfriends reckon the workaholic in me is waking up from hybernation. Given that Nat’s sibilings (including the baby) got the virus from him too, I know the choice to head out for work seems rather heartless. This however, is only possible with the help of the hubby (who is able to take leave and time-off for this period) and inlaws.

My little Nat, one day you will know.
Though you may not like it now.
I did what I did, cos I love you enough.

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